behind the matrix

Although the full Matrix trilogy has finished its stint in theaters worldwide and is now generally availble on DVD, and although some material has been released detailing the groundbreaking CG and compositing effects that made the movies possible, absolutely nothing has been said about the origin of The Matrix. Until now. Mike "Rocko" Andrews is credited with discovering the original matrix in 1996, while changing the battery in his cell phone. Having waxed many cars and holding one of the highest degrees in martial arts, he succeeded in conquering the matrix within two weeks' time. "Hell no, I'm not afraid of the matrix," says Andrews, "I have a powder blue belt, after all." Thus, a movie was born -- heavily steeped in cell phones and Kung Fu. When Silver Pictures (U.S.) and Village Roadshow Pictures (Australia) teamed up to produce the first film, Mr. Andrews was there to relate his experiences to then-unknown directors Andy and Larry Wachowski, assist in pre-visualization efforts, and -- of course -- to star in the leading role, Neo. He was met with the unthinkable. "Andy and Larry gave me some BS about how black looked so much cooler than powder blue -- especially when combined with cool shades -- and how the public wouldn't really understand the significance of the esteemed powder blue belt," laments Andrews. "Yeah, things heated up. Maybe they got a little out of hand," he adds, presumably in reference to his destruction of Warner Brothers` main lobby, upon learning that the leading role had been given to Keanu Reeves. "They had the nerve to use edited footage of that in the movie!" scowls Mr. Andrews. Needless to say, there is now something of a rift between Mr. Andrews and the Wachowski brothers. When Mike showed up on the set, intending to demonstrate the "significance of the powder blue belt" to the Wachowski brothers personally, the latter fled and Mr. Andrews left a good portion of the cast (and the set) in critical condition. "Those #@*!?*~@s. They took that footage, edited it up, and put it in the second movie!" Andrews coldly notes. To this day, the Wachowski brothers remain in relative seclusion, making few public appearances and declining all interviews. "That's because they know that when I find them, I'm going to kick their ass," says Andrews. "I beat the matrix. You know I can take these two." Indeed, to find out how deep the rabbit hole really goes, you've got to take the powder blue pill. You've got to talk to Rocko.