81. DRDT

Up to this point, Sylvia felt, things had been going fairly well. The simple fact that she had managed to gain the trust of her companions after her encounter with GRAVIMETRICDAR was extremely encouraging. However, their ignorance of her occult background in spite of the bits of animal entrail that kept falling out of her pockets implied that they were a slow bunch to begin with. Hardly a match for GRAVIMETRICDAR.

Why, then, did the dice keep falling in their favor?

Possibly for the same reason GRAVIMETRICDAR had refused her offer of help. He wasn't any swifter then they were - in fact, by any evidence he was a good deal dumber. However, this did not make him invaluable. He was, after all, deliciously chaotic and evil and a fantastic source of pure power. And, once she had proven to him that she had, herself, prevented his enemies from finding him and even, perhaps, defeated them herself, he would owe her his undying gratitude... and there was no telling what she could do then, with all of that power at her command.

When Ski's machine indicated that GRAVIMETRICDAR would be located in two days, she was not concerned - that gave her plenty of time to get in touch with him, gain his trust, and make plans for their escape. When Jack Fist (under her supposedly adoring eye) had trimmed the time down to half a day, she was a little worried, but no overly so - after all, that was still plenty of time for what she had in mind.

When the device indicated that GRAVIMETRICDAR had moved, she had been pleased enough to ignore the fact that he was no easier to locate. After all, he was coming after them... the time would soon be right for her to make her move. And he would certainly find -them- before -they- had tracked him down - the timing and the initiative would be in her favor.

But, when Dr. Guerring announced that they could locate GRAVIMETRICDAR in ten minutes, somehow she knew that would be too soon. And after listening to Dr. Guerring's explanation, she knew she had to act - now.

Quickly, quietly, and easily, she became Lilith, complete with attitude, skin-tight jeans, and WICKED NASTY GUN FROM ALIENS HELL (tm).

82. DRDT

GRAVIMETRICDAR cracked.

He felt it growing in him long before it was anything concrete. He knew something was going to happen - you can't keep all of that pent up fury inside you for very long before it comes out. He knew how these things worked... it was finally happening to him.

He was going to incinerate.

He was going to take out the whole island with him.

Every last one of those villagers would be dead.

But, he wouldn't be around to enjoy it.

Plus, that one island boy, the cause of all of his troubles, the bane of his entire existence, who had brought upon him all the evil that he had ever wished to inflict on others... who even now was playing with the Egress as if it were his *friend* and had been for their *entire lives*, would survive. Would never feel the wrath of GRAVIMETRICDAR. Would never even know what he had done and what he must *pay* for what he had done...

GRAVIMETRICDAR did not incinerate.

Instead, he took all of his energy, all of his fury, and poured it out. Channeled it. Redirected it... into motion.

In one swift second, tapping into reserves he never knew he had, converting all the hate, and anger, and frustration he had ever felt, GRAVIMETRICDAR moved ten thousand miles in seven seconds...

And appeared in front of a'Kla.

83. DRDT

Out of respect, Whiplash felt he had to do something for Julie. Alas for him, here was no place for a proper burial... he had finally removed his coat and used it to wrap up what was left of her.

Then, he sat down to think.

Obviously, something else was going on here, something of which he had had no previous knowlege. Toran and Domina, the Lost City of Galmadore - how did they tie into GRAVIMETRICDAR? How did they relate to he and Turkles?

What was that noise?

It was the sound of a great ripping. It reminded him of when Wanda had torn up her story - as he and his companions had appeared, one by one in her college dormitory, he had heard this sound. Only before, it had been louder, more ominous - and now, it had not the sound of destruction, but the sound of salvation. It was a sound like the tearing of space-time itself.

And it was happening right nearby.

He almost missed it - but miss it he did not. Something passed by, very close, moving very fast - and leaving behind it a great rent. A great rent through which he could see the world. A great rent through which...

He jumped.

84. DRDT

"The temporicthyonic mindscape is the part of the brain that sees time as a fish." Dr. Rachel Guerring was explaining her theory to the assembled heroes outside the Auburn Mall. "In my doctoral thesis, I described one method of using this analogy to project oneself into the past or future. In the mindscape, you can project yourself forwards or backwards through time by travelling along the fore-aft axis of the temporal fish. Of course, that will not help us now. However, I think this will:

"There is another way to traverse the fish;      __-------------__      /
if instead of travelling fore-aft, we travel   _/                 \_  _/
dorsally-ventrally along the tail fin, we     /                     \/
get a completely different image.  You see    \_                   _/\_
that it takes a certain amount of time to get   \__             __/    \
from the top to the bottom of the tail.  We        -------------        \
can greatly extend our personal time by 
travelling the long way around the perimeter of the fish - while in the real
world, a very short time will pass.  According to my calculations, if we
enter the temporicthyonic mindscape, I can cause six hours subjective time
to pass, while it will only be eight minugghnt..."

In mid speech, Dr. Guerring stopped, looked down, and then collapsed gracefully as a bright red flower blossomed on her chest. Behind her stood Sylvia / Lilith, with a grim smile on her face and WICKED NASTY GUN FROM ALIENS HELL (tm) still smoking from recent use. Everyone stared.

Slow motion.

Dr. Rachel Guerring hit the ground with a sickening thud.

Jack Fist, Computer Nerd, started forward. Ski Lime Rickey, watching from inside the caddy, whipped out his gun and threw open the door. Wanda produced a pistol from somewhere inside her pantleg. Ed the Envelope Guy jumped at Sylvia / Lilith.

Lilith turned and sent a tongue of flame at the caddy. Then, she turned back to Ed and knocked him back about ten feet with the but of her GUN (tm), before turning back to finish off the caddy.

Alarms went off, and the car's automatic fire-extinguisher sprayed everyone in the vicinity. Ski ducked and fired a shot, which went completely wild.

Jack shouted: "Darling, no!"

At that moment, there came from above a horrible ripping, rending sound. A sound like the tearing of space-time itself. For an instant, a line appeared in the sky like a crack in the universe. And through that crack fell Whiplash, head first. He fell sprawling on Lilith, and blacked out.

Lilith collapsed gracefully, her GUN (tm) banging across the pavement. Agent Lime Rickey came around from behind the car.

Suddenly stripped of her armament, Sylvia / Lilith realized that she had been foiled - for now. Still, she knew she was safe. After all, no one realized that she could control her personality changes. Everyone thought that Lilith and Sylvia were split personalities in constant competition. So, with an inaudible pop, she turned back into Sylvia. Sweet, charming, helpless Sylvia, who wouldn't swat a flea - and upon whom no one, not even GRAVIMETRICDAR himself, could lay a finger to harm.

85. DRDT

"So, when they all piled into the belly of the great metal beast, who was I to argue? Then, to my utter astonishment, the beast leaped out of the window and fell over two hundred feet to the ground! How was I..."

Perhaps had a'Kla not been so engrossed in the Egress' story, he might have heard GRAVIMETRICDAR's approach. But, he did not. In one fluid motion, he was grabbed, wrenched high in the air, and brought up to stare, goggle eyed, into the face of the creature that had tortured his village for so long.

The creature he had sworn to defeat.

"e'Gre! Run! Save yourself!" he shouted over his shoulder, trying his best to match GRAVIMETRICDAR's stare. GRAVIMETRICDAR picked him up and started shouting - bizarre, hideous, demonic sounds he couldn't understand.

"You! You whiny, meddling, fawning, interfering busybody!" GRAVIMETRICDAR shook the island boy back and forth until his teeth rattled. "You useless, uncivilized, moronic, good-for-nothing primate!" He babbled and spit as he screamed, incoherent in his fury. Veins stood out in his neck. Then...

*foop*

"Why, Ravi, you seem upset. Is something wrong?"

GRAVIMETRICDAR stopped what he was doing and looked up to find two more demons standing in front of them. These, however, were not dressed appropriately for demons. Both, for starters, were in much more humanoid shape. One had the appearance of an attractive woman with yellow blonde hair. She was holding a cigaretts limply in one hand, and looked him up and down with some amusement. The other, who had spoken, was in the shape of a lean young man with green eyes.

However, to the trained eye, they were definitely demons.

Toran spoke again. "You have been running rather amok, Ravi - I don't think the master would be too terribly delighted to hear about this, would he?"

GRAVIMETRICDAR tossed the island boy over his shoulder with a sneer. "I could really care less what -your- -master- thinks, GALVANIXAN."

86. DRDT

By the time Whiplash recovered enough to stagger to his feet, most of the excitement was over. Jack Fist, Computer Nerd was busily consoling Sylvia. Wanda was helping Ed the Envelopistic Relativist to his feet. And Agent Lime Rickey was attending to Dr. Rachel Geurring.

ATTENDING TO DR. RACHEL GUERRING!?

Whiplash suddenly became very, very recovered. "What happened here?"

Silence. Then Ed spoke up. "Lilith - she came out again and shot..."

Whiplash ran to Dr. Guerring's side. "Is she okay? Will she live?" Then, it dawned on him. "No, she isn't. Of course not..."

Ski interrupted. "Whiplash, what are you talking about?"

"It was... no, never mind. A story she told me. She knew she was going to die... killed by the minions of GRAVIMETRICDAR. I swore I wouldn't let them..." Whiplash was on the verge of tears. "I wasn't here."

While Whiplash was speaking, Ski's eyes got rather large. "How did she know? Was it that temporo-ithy..."

"Yes! How did you know about that?"

"She was about to tell us how to use it to locate GRAVIMETRICDAR when Sylvia... I mean Lilith killed her... Whiplash? Are you okay?"

Whiplash was definitely not okay. A glazed look came over his eyes, and his whole frame started shaking. He pointed a long, bony finger at Sylvia and Jack Fist, Computer Nerd, as Ski stepped forwards to block him.

"You! What is it that makes Lilith come out?"

Sylvia shrieked and hid under Jack Fist. "I don't know! Please, I don't know, I can't help it, it just -happens- sometimes! I didn't know what she was talking about, really I didn't understand. She was going to help us! I wouldn't do..."

"SHUT UP!" Whiplash roared. "Answer the question! Where is Lilith now?" He bent close over her, brushing Jack Fist, Computer Nerd aside like he was made of paper. He was beside himself. "How do I get to talk to Lilith?"

"Please, no, I don't know, I can't..." Sylvia was worried. He was getting awful close... she turned up the cute-and-helpless routine. She sobbed into her hands. "Please, please, stop it, you're scaring me... please, someone make him stop, I can't take it..."

Ski moved forwards to hold Whiplash back, but Whiplash shrugged him off. He bent low over Sylvia. "You useless, helpless, pointless -wench-. You are nothing. You have no guts. You have no pride. You have no purpose. You have no identity." Sylvia wept openly now, but no one moved to help her now. Whiplash ground on. "All you have to offer, all you have ever shown us of any value, to anyone, is Lilith. And Lilith is working for GRAVIMETRICDAR. She - no, you - have just proven that to us. Lilith has just destroyed our best hope for stopping GRAVIMETRICDAR. For that, we should kill you. But we won't. Because we are soft, and we feel sorry for you."

Sylvia was not sobbing any more. She was watching intently as Whiplash leaned closer and closer, speaking lower and lower, until only she could hear him. As his fingers closed softly around her throat.

"But you just made another mistake. Because Rachel wasn't just the most brilliant scientist of our time. She was also the love of my life. I have only known her a short while, and you have just taken her from me. And I am not soft. And I do not feel sorry for you."

Now it was Sylvia's eyes that were glazing as she fought for breath. She scrabbled hopelessly at his hands. "Good-bye, Lilith."

87. DRDT

Not far away, protected by the darkness of the great Hall...

"Yes... Good-bye, Lilith."

After a contemplative pause, the lone figure resumed his tuba playing.

88. DRDT

Whiplash recovered (again) and staggered to his feet (again), letting Sylvia's lifeless body drop to the ground. He looked around himself blearily. There appeared to have been some altercation during his distraction, as Wanda and Ed the Envelopistic Relativist were sitting on Jack Fist, Computer Nerd. Ski had his gun out and was holding it uncertainly (perhaps for the first time in his life).

"Doctor Whiplash, will you please explain what is going on here?"

However, no explanation was necessary. With Sylvia dead, her power over the others faded. Jack Fist, Computer Nerd sat up, looking sheepish. Ski put his gun away. "So, she was working for GRAVIMETRICDAR the whole time?"

"Yes. I think the whole Lilith / Sylvia thing was an act, to turn us against each other so we would be ineffective to stop him."

"Well, she did that very well. GRAVIMETRICDAR is nearby, looking for us, and if we don't locate him before..."

"Hush!" Whiplash interrupted. "What was that?"

Ski was silent. They all listened. Then, very faintly...

"Doctor? Are you there?" It was Rachel.

Whiplash was by her side in an instant. "You're alive! Oh, thank God..." He gathered her into his arms, tenderly. "Are you all right? I thought we had lost you when the first..." he trailed off, confused.

"No, darling, please don't stop..." her voice was barely audible. "It is just like I remember, so long ago..." She sagged in his arms.

Whiplash choked. "No, please, don't die... you can't die, not yet..." He smiled suddenly. "It isn't time. We haven't met any goat beasts yet."

Rachel smiled back, faintly. "Don't be silly, sweetheart. That was only one of many possibilities. Everything has changed since then. Sylvia..." she paused for breath. "Sylvia was your goat beast. Remember, Section 14 of my thesis? When you meddle wi..." she coughed.

"Shhh..." Whiplash rocked her. "Don't speak - don't say anything. I remember. All of the details have to change. But events travel in schools - you can only change the superficial details. If you must die..."

"I must die. It is my time. But one other thing has not changed."

Whiplash looked up. "Yes, darling?"

Rachel strained to get the words out. "I still love you."

"Rachel..." Whiplash broke down. "Don't leave me here..." He sat and rocked her lifeless form until Agent Lime Rickey and Ed the Envelopistic Relativist pulled him away ten minutes later.

89. DRDT

GRAVIMETRICDAR crouched low, (well, low for a demon, he still towered over the small egress's five feet), and stalked towards his new opponents. Lightning crackled between two of his claws, while a third, previously unknown arm, unfolded itself on his right side.

"Toran," Domina said, wings unfurling from her back, "I do believe that our old friend GRAVIMETRICDAR wants to play. Shall we oblige him?"

Toran had nearly completed his transformation into the full-fledged demon, GALVANIXAN. Yet, despite his current hideous countenance, his purple scaly skin, his gaping maw filled with sharp teeth, the brutish horns on his head, the large muscled limbs that ended in claws, despite the new look, his voice remained cultured and aristocratic. "Yes, Domina, I believe we should, or at least, ISOLINEARPAG and I should." Saying that, he leaped the remaining distance to GRAVIMETRICDAR, knocking him over and grasping him around the throat.

"Understood," ISOLINEARPAG called, launching herself into the air, to attack from above.

With a roar, GRAVIMETRICDAR threw GALVANIXAN from on top, and before the purple monstrosity could recover, GRAVIMETRICDAR leapt onto his chest, clawing at his face with both right claws. He had the upper hand, for a few moments, until a burst of electric death hit him in the back. He whirled, too find the hideous visage of ISOLINEARPAG dancing just out of reach. He tried a few swats to knock her out of the air, but she kept staying just out of reach, all the while blasting him with blue bolts of electricity when it pleased her. Then, he remembered the knife in his leg.

With a delightful cackle, he pulled the knife out of his leg, flipped it around so he was holding the blade tip, and threw the knife at ISOLINEARPAG. She was quick, but not quite quick enough. The knife embedded itself in one wing, ripping a good portion out of the film along the way. With a scream, she plummeted to the ground, folding her wings around her for perfection.

"Take that, you winged bitch!" GRAVIMETRICDAR yelled. He turned, to return to pounding GALVANIXAN's face into mulch, and found his feet held. Too late to stop his twisting motion, he fell on his side, and GALVANIXAN scrambled onto his chest, to return the face-pounding favor.

ISOLINEARPAG pulled the knife out of her wing, and tossed it aside. A few trial runs showed the wing incapable of supporting her for flight, but that didn't mean that she was out of the battle. With a roar of her own, she surged into the battle.

Meanwhile, A'Kla was watching in amazement. His nemesis, the creature that had enslaved his entire island was in a pitched battle with two other creatures, as hideous as he. It was clear, however, that they weren't being very successful. They would knock him down for a bit, but he would merely shrug off the damage, usually inflicting quite a bit of harm on them as well. "I should do something," A'Kla muttered.

"But, what can we do?" e'Gre complained. "We aren't in their league. Who are we..."

"I've hurt him before," A'Kla hissed. "I could do it again. If only I had my knife."

The Egress looked about him. Off to the side, about ten yards away, he spotted the knife that ISOLINEARPAG had torn from her wing. "A'Kla, is that the knife you mean?" he asked, gesturing.

A'Kla looked. "Yes, now I can do something. Wait here. Quietly." The young island boy crawled over to the knife. When he had it, he crouched low, inching towards the battle, awaiting his opening.

It came quickly, ISOLINEARPAG and GALVANIXAN had just been thrown off, and GRAVIMETRICDAR stood, towering over them all, but with his back towards A'Kla. The boy crouched, and then launched himself at GRAVIMETRICDAR's back.

*HRONK!*

With the sound of the Egress, time seemed to slow for A'Kla. He watched himself, as he raised the knife for the final strike. At the same time, he watched GRAVIMETRICDAR, attracted by the noise of the Egress, turn to face him. It was too late to stop. As he neared the demon, he struck forward. The knife plunged deep into GRAVIMETRICDAR's chest cavity.

*AAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH!*

The roar echoed for miles. A'Kla, still holding fast to the knife, fell towards the ground, dragging the knife through GRAVIMETRICDAR's torso as he did so. By the time he'd hit the ground, the huge demon was split nearly in half. Entrails slipped out of the gaping hole. GRAVIMETRICDAR fell to the ground, dead.

A'Kla stood, gasping for his breath. ISOLINEARPAG and GALVANIXAN stood and looked at the boy. "My word, Domina," GALVANIXAN said to his partner, "it seems that this young boy has done our job for us."

"I suppose you're going to claim that we owe him a favor now," ISOLINEARPAG sneered.

"But of course," GALVANIXAN continued, "therefore, we shall not kill him right now. He is free to go. Come along, we must get back.

*whop*

They disappeared, leaving A'Kla and E'Gre alone, with GRAVIMETRICDAR's body.

90. DRDT

For the third time, Whiplash recovered and staggered to his feet. Ski watched appraisingly; it was clear to him that the good Doctor had taken just about the limit of one man's resistance for one day. For this reason, he chose -not- to ask where Julie was. There was a pause.

"So, what happened to Julie?" Jack Fist, Computer Nerd broke the silence.

"What?" Whiplash gave him a haggard look. "Julie is..." He paused. "We ran into some trouble... Julie didn't make it."

The others gathered around. "Did GRAVIMETRICDAR..."

"No, we lost GRAVIMETRICDAR in the portal space. He trapped us and we had to locate another exit." Whiplash quickly relayed their adventures in the Lost City of Galmadore, finishing up with his escape. "So, whatever it was somehow ripped open the portal space as it passed me, and I was able to jump through the intersection of the two paths. And, fortunately for us, that happened to be right on top of Lilith's head."

"But, where does that leave us? These creatures you ran into, could they have been working for GRAVIMETRICDAR?" Ski got into the car. "A few minutes before you appeared, we discovered that GRAVIMETRICDAR had moved from the south pacific to somewhere in North America."

Whiplash started. "But, that was when Toran and Domina moved from the Lost City to... to someplace over that way." He indicated the rest of the city to the north. "But, I saw GRAVIMETRICDAR go in the other direction just before we ran into them. So he couldn't... Ski! How does that device track GRAVIMETRICDAR, anyhow?"

"Um... it's kind of complicated. Basically, it rates each character in the saga according to their influence on the story line, then constructs a graph showing where the important influences are. The scale runs from red to green, based on their level of influence and whether they are for the protagonists, or against them. In this case, I instructed it to only display the highest level of influence aligned against us - which is why it is only displaying red."

"Pretty handy device." Whiplash was impressed. "But, that means that you don't -know- that you were actually tracking GRAVIMETRICDAR?"

"Well, no - but we all pretty much assumed that..."

Whiplash cut him off. "Well, we just proved that assumtion wrong. Old G. Ravi Metricdar is -not- our biggest enemy. I don't know who is, but I think I can find out where they can be found."

"Yes?" Ed, the Envelopistic Relativist spoke up.

"Well, you see, the Lost City of Galmador is at the north pole. However, the Lost City of -Galmaadore- is at the -south- pole. After Toran and Domina got away from me in the portal space, I ran up and down the length of it - and my Nano-Oscillating Singularity Enhancer recorded the distance I travelled. Now, since portal space is measured differently than regular space, this would be completely useless; except that I was also able to mark the exact location in portal space where I dropped out. So, all I have to do is triangulate where in real space the other end of the passage was!"

Ski fetched a map from out of the glove compartment of the Caddilac. While the others waited with baited breath, Whiplash played with his N.O.S.E., occasionally making marks on the map. Finally, he shouted, "I've got it! Get on the horn with our friends at the Armory. I have the target."

"Well?" Everyone looked at him expectantly.

"They are at Worcester Polytechnic Institute."

91. DRDT

Alden Hall lay peaceful and quiet under the pre-dawn sky. Outside, all was silent, but from inside came the barely audible tones of a tuba played slowly and melodically, with great dignity and poise.

*foop*

Dr. Rufus Goerring stopped playing and looked down from the balcony. The two demons stood below him, looking like they had been mauled. "Vat eez it dat has happen to you? Vas Meester Metricdar too much for you?"

"GRAVIMETRICDAR has been dealt with." GALVANIXAN came up the steps, with ISOLINEARPAG trailing behind. "He was very tough, but we handled him."

"Very goot. Dat phase of my plan is completed. Now, for the next phase, we must... my Gott! ISOLINEARPAG, vat did he do to you?"

"It is nothing. He had a magical knife. He threw it at me..." she flexed the remains of her wing. "I used it on him." She held out the knife for her master's examination. "He is in two pieces."

Dr. Goerring took the knife and looked at it closewly. "Fascinating... magic, eez eet? Most interesting... most powerful." He smiled. "You realize, of course, dat eet was rather stupid of you to bring me dis..." He gripped the knife firmly and raised it...

And ISOLINEARPAG exploded.

Bits of charred demon flesh flew in all directions. GALVANIXAN spun around to look behind him. Dr. Goerring stepped forwards to the railing.

Through the clearing smoke they saw Gryphon, standing on the stage, with his Seburo 25-mm, Laser-Targetted, Hyper-Velocity, Armor-Piercing, Anti-Hell- Beast Cone Rifle in hand, grinning as only an eight foot cyborg with tinanium shielding can grin (by forcibly bending his faceplates by hand).

Behind him, the others came into view. Jack Fist, Action Hero brandished his plasma-rifle. Nelson and Thelma wielded matching automatic pistols. And Turkles and Michael, standing on the piano, each with their weapon of choice: Turkles a fencing sabre, and Michael a blessed rustproof +5 two handed sword named Demonbane.

By the time the smoke cleared, Dr. Goerring had already reacted. The knife left his hand and flew the length of the hall, aiming straight for Gryphon. Halfway down the hall, the knife transformed into a lightning bolt.

The bolt struck Gryphon full on the chest. He stood blinking for a moment amid a shower of sparks, and then collapsed in a heap.

Pause.

Slow motion (I love this slow motion stuff, don't you?).

Jack Fist, Action Hero fired several plasma bolts at the balcony.

GALVANIXAN leaped off the balcony with a roar.

Turkles sheathed his sabre and leaped off the piano to meet him.

Dr. Rufus Goerring ducked behind a theater seat.

Jack Fist's plasma bolts exploded on the balcony, vaporizing two seats and knocking out the window into the projection room.

Turkles and GALVANIXAN met in midair in the center of the hall.

Nelson and Thelma, on cue, spread out to opposite sides of the stage.

Michael jumped off the piano onto the floor, wildly waving his blessed rustproof +5 two handed sword named Demonbane.

Turkles and GALVANIXAN, locked in a furious embrace, fell to the floor.

One hundred and fifty-six identical copies of ISOLINEARPAG, all perfect replicas in 1/156th scale, picked themselves up off the floor.

Pause.

Chaos.

Fortunately for our heroes, the little isolinearpags were also 1/156th as powerful as the original; they were also 1/156th as difficult to destroy. This Michael discovered soon enough, and he promptly set on a one-man killing spree, stomping, slicing, and kicking the little buggers to oblivion as fast as they came at him. Nelson and Thelma, located at strategic points on opposite sides of the stage, worked in tandem, picking off the tiny spider-like creatures as they attempted to climb the draperies to get behind them. And Jack Fist, Action Hero, stepped up for a little target practice.

"So, the data positron flow is controlled by taking a reading..."

Meanwhile, down in the middle of the floor, Turkles and GALVANIXAN continued to wrestle madly. Every now and again it appeared that the demon had our poor scientist caught, but always Turkles would wriggle out of his grasp just in time to catch him off guard and pin him to the ground again. For a little guy, Turkles had reserves unimagined by his associates.

"That data position is fed into the data possibility matrix..."

Nelson and Thelma were starting to genuinely enjoy the isolinearpag hunt; from their respective vantage points, they had control of the entire battlefield, and were counting off their hits as they came in.

"...control of every bit of data. Possibly, this can be done with..."

Michael was also on a roll; in a brilliant maneuver, he climbed up onto the grid over the stage, and then launched himself out into the room hanging from a rope. This brought him close enough to the duelling Turkles and GALVANIXAN that he was able to almost get a swipe in with his blessed rustproof +5 two handed sword named Demonbane. Almost.

"On the other hand, there is the data posession algorithm. This..."

Jack Fist, Action Hero, was also doing his share. He tried for a while to get in a shot at GALVANIXAN, but whenever a shot was available, it looked like Turkles was winning; and when Turkles was losing, GALVANIXAN was holding him in such a fashion that he was in the way. However, he had no difficulty picking off isolinearpag clones, and before long, between himself, Nelson, and Thelma, there were only a handful left.

"The data posession algorithm concentrates, not on data posision, but on data posession; hence the name. This concludes our discussion..."

Turkles finally threw GALVANIXAN aside and sprang to his feet again, whipping out his sabre. GALVANIXAN stood and stared at him with glowing eyes. Turkles brandished the sabre meanacingly. "En Garde!"

With a sneer, GALVANIXAN snapped the end of the sabre off. Turkles looked at the remains left in his hand with dismay, and then pitched forwards to grapple his opponent again.

It was at this point that they noticed that Dr. Goerring, hiding up on the balcony, was trying to say something.

"Possibly, the next most difficult thing about this subject is the Rigeur Cogito Tranx, Grevel Hang Bar, Lousewart Ix!"

It sounded like gibberish - almost. But was it? Too late, Nelson realized what was going on. It was his project paper from last year that was reading! Dr. Goerring was trying to summon...

DATAPOS.

Thelma realized it at the same instant. Both of them shouted, and fired the last rounds from their matching automatic pistols at the balcony, but the shots simply curved around of their old mentor. Dr. Goerring laughed maniacally and then, with a sound like the upsetting of applecarts - the overthrowing of governments - the unearthing of graves - DATAPOS arrived.

The earth shook. The ground buckled. Dr. Goerring laid down project paper he had been reading and watched as the floor beneath their feet buckled, and then gave entirely, and the ungodly form of DATAPOS surged up from below.

Floorboards cracked. Rubble fell. All of our heroes fell to their knees from the shock of the collapse. Jack Fist, Action Hero, got in a few more shots before he fell, and actually managed to pick off the last straggling isolinearpags on his way down. GALVANIXAN and Turkles finally gave up their struggle to watch and see what would happen next.

DATAPOS stood in the silence and surveyed the wreckage he had created in his coming. On the balcony, Dr. Goerring waited expectantly for him to ask for instructions. RUFUS presumed that his control of GALVANIXAN and ISOLINEARPAG would also extend to DATAPOS, and other demons, as well.

He was wrong.

DATAPOS did not even look at Dr. Goerring. DATAPOS instead picked out his target from amid the wreckage, and spoke.

"YOU TRAITOR, GALVANIXAN. -WE- ARE NOT PLEASED WITH YOUR BEHAVIOR THESE PAST FEW DAYS. GRAVIMETRICDAR WAS ONE OF US. -WE- DO NOT KILL OUR OWN KIND. YOUR PARTNER, ISOLINEARPAG, GOT WHAT SHE DESERVED FOR HER TREACHERY - DEATH AT THE HANDS OF THESE MORTALS. YOU ESCAPED THAT DEATH - BUT YOU, FOOLISH LITTLE ONE, YOU ARE -MINE-, NOW."

With a single completely uncoordinated motion, DATAPOS picked up GALVANIXAN, threw him over his shoulder and turned to leave. Dr. Goerring made a move to attract his attention. DATAPOS did not even turn towards him.

"BE THANKFUL, HUMAN, THAT I HAVE OTHER THINGS THAN YOU ON MY MIND."

And DATAPOS was gone. And GALVANIXAN with him, screaming in terror.

Dr. Rufus Goerring, somewhat cowed by his near escape, knelt down in contemplation. One by one, our heroes slowly started to dig themselves out of the rubble. And outside, the sound of the caddy door slamming signaled the arrival of the remainder of the team.

After a brief pause, Wanda walked in.

92. DRDT

Dr. Goerring looked down off the balcony is distress. All of his plans had gone awry. GRAVIMETRICDAR was dead, but one of his two pet demons had been killed by his enemies, and the other one recalled to the Nether Pits for punishment for associating with him. His last-ditch attempt to save himself by summoning DATAPOS had backfired most embarassingly. And, his enemies were starting to regroup. Soon they would come after him...

It was time for a strategic withdrawl. Dr. Goerring still had one ace up his sleeve, and he played it now. "Wanda! Attack!" And he turned and ran.

Wanda reacted instantly to his command. Her pantleg opened again, revealing a weighty shotgun which she drew in a flash. From her vantage point, she was behind all of the heroes who were still digging themselves out of the rubble. Michael was the first to stand up, using his blessed rustproof +5 two handed sword named Demonbane as a lever. He was, therefore, the first to fall - a large hole, made by a very large bullet, in his back.

Turkles watched Michael die from uncomfortably close by, and remained down. Jack Fist, Action Hero was not so well informed, and was Wanda's next target. He, too, was knocked over to fall back among the rubble.

However, before the others could rise far enough for her to identify them, there was a loud boom from the stairs. Agent Ski Lime-Rickey, following Wanda into the hall, had seen what was happening, and put a stop to it with his pistol. It wasn't much of a gun, but in Ski's hands, it was enough.

Wanda's internal circuitry exploded, sprouting random wires in all directions. Her face popped off, revealing two beady robot eyes floating in a sea of electronics. Then, she (or rather, it) fell over.

Meanwhile, Dr. Goerring was running for it. However, Nelson and Thelma, pulling themselves from the mess, saw him leave, and quickly guessed where he was going. Slammiong new, full clips into their pistols in unison, they ran downstairs to intercept him.

They caught up with him at the foot of the basement stairs. He was just ducking into the practice room, a tiny, round, soundproof room under the stairwell, which he appeared to have mistakenly taken for an exit. There, they cornered him, holding their matching automatic pistols uneasily on him, uncertain whether to shoot outright or try to learn something first.

Rufus knew he was caught. There was nothing for it, then, but to use his last-ditch, final defense, ultimate emergency escape plan. Even if it meant giving away his ultimate secret to these two, at least he would be alive. And if he were alive reparations could be made.

He quickly whispered the Phrase of Power that would get him out of there. The Phrase that was his source of magical and occult Power. The Phrase that was linked to all of his spells - all of his schemes - all of his plans. But, most importantly (at the moment), it would get him out of there.

Nelson recognized the Phrase. He remembered the doctor once, long ago, telling him that Phrase. And telling him never to say it, and never to tell it to anyone. And suddenly, he felt an irresistable urge to join in.

And was thoroughly surprised to hear Thelma repeat it, as well.

They said it together.

All of it.

All three of them.

In unison.

With feeling.

Pause.

Into the silence, Dr. Rufus Goerring screamed. "My Gott, do you know vat you have done here? All of my plans! All of my schemes! Everything I have

what happens when THREE people say that PHRASE together?

"It -destroys- the -magic-!"

93. DRDT

The city had been Falling for thousands of years. The inhabitants no longer remembered a time when it was not Falling - their history knew of no such condition called Not Falling. It was a Falling City.

But now, the time of the Falling was to be over. For, according to legend, disaster was emminent. As predicted by prophesies of old, there would come a time when a great danger would come up from beneath the city and destroy everything it met. Buildings would crumble, children would die, and people would be starved out of house and home. No more would the Falling City Fall; for the catastrophe would bring such a change as none in the city could comprehend. And this disaster was called 'the Coming of the Ground.'

As the Coming of the Ground grew emminent, the people of the city became more and more worried of their plight. The prophesy spoke of a great God, Teraz-Ad-n'Choston, the God of Wind and Light, who would come to the Falling City and save the people from the catastrophe. However, Teraz-Ad-n'Choston had been and gone, and the city continued to fall closer and closer to disaster. People peering over the walls could begin to see the fabled Ground approaching at great velocity from below.

Chaos reigned in the city. Religous orders competed with government for solutions; markets crashed and industries failed. Speculation ran high and lives and livelihoods were lost. Some took to the streets, celebrating the End of Existance - while others took to the streets on mad looting binges, trying to get in a last taste of decadence before the End.

Suddenly, yet imperceptably, there is a change. The walls of the vertical tunnel through which the city is Falling begin to turn. The people of the city, certain that this is certain death coming upon them at last, turn their eyes heavenwards in supplication. But now, the city is no longert Falling, but sliding along, as the walls of the city are now nearly horizontal. To the left, people can see the vast expanse of sky, now turned to be beside them. And on the right, a great wall looms, which they now realize is the Ground, moving closer and closer - yet, it seems, more slowly than before, when they were Falling towards it.

And now, the Ground turns still more, so that it is no longer beside them, but, rather, above them. And, no longer are they falling towards it, but, rather, away. Slowly at first, imperceptably perhaps, but away.

Slowly, but with increasing speed, the dreaded Ground fades away into the distance overhead. And the people can breathe easy.

Disaster has been averted.

94. DRDT

"Let me understand this," Nelson continued to hold his gun firmly pointed at Dr. Goerring. "You have been the cause of all of this trouble we have been going through?"

"Oh, no, not at all. Vell, I mean, I have been rather beesy since ve last spoke, last spring. But nothink I have done has been aimed at you, no, not at all... I mean, GRAVIMTRICDAR, he was as much my competitor as your enemy, is that not true? I did have ISOLINEARPAG and GALVANIXAN destroy him as much to help you as for my own purpose."

"Then, why did you attack us? Why did you kill my counterpart?" Thelma prodded him with her pistol, hard.

"Now, children, lets discuss this sensibly, shall ve? I am a professor, you are my students. We can work things out. Remember, once, ve vere friends, yes? That nastiness last year... I just wanted to learn more about eet, yes, that is all. And thinks got out of hand for me, a leetle. Lets try to vork thinks out, we have so much opportunity to learn here! I can teach you thinks about what we have seen, and you can help me to understand..."

Nelson looked at Thelma. He thought of Julie - poor, good-hearted Julie, done in by demons. Thelma thought of Michael - killed by Wanda, Rufus' robot spy. And Gryphon, and Jack Fist... and their respective mothers.

They thought of the possibility for learning.

Naah.

Two guns. Two bullets. One target. Bang. Bang. Thud.

R.I.P., Dr. Rufus Goerring.

95. /DEV/NULL

In the emergency room at Beth Israel hospital, Turkles' stomach lurched. He jumped up and headed for the bathroom, tripping over Lydia's feet on the way. "Turkles," she asked. Turkles ignored her, diving into the bathroom. Concerned, the Doctor followed him.

He found Turkles on his knees in front of one of the bowls. "What is it?" he asked, handing Turkles a glass of water to rinse with.

"Michael...he's dead."

The Doctor gulped. "How...how do you know?"

"I saw it. He exploded right next to me. Wanda shot him."

"Wanda? How?"

"I'm not sure. The vision is somewhat unclear. Vision is the wrong term. It's more like a memory. The other Turkles must have seen it. I think," Turkles paused, the continued, "I think she's a cyborg, working for... Dr. Goerring?"

"Rachel Goerring?" The Doctor was incredulous.

"No, Dr. Rufus Goerring. The situation has drastically changed. I think we should get to Worcester as soon as we can."

The two of them returned to the waiting room to find the emergency room doctor talking to Lydia. They walked to her side.

"We've done everything we know how, but I'm afraid she doesn't have much time left." The e.r. doctor paused, while the news sank in. "She's asking to see you ... all of you."

96. /DEV/NULL

Ski Lime-Rickey was carrying debris out of Alden, when a beeping sound caught his ear. Puzzled, he traced the source to his own car. He looked inside.

Seconds later, Ski was rushing into Alden Hall. "Everyone come quick!"

Minutes later, everyone was gathered around Ski's car, pushing to get a better view of the inside. Ski sat in the driver's seat with Whiplash beside him. The subject of everyone's interest, the scanning device in the glove compartment. Having defeated, not only GRAVIMETRICDAR, but also the man who turned out to be the true villain, Dr. Rufus Goerring, they had all forgotten about the scanning device. Now, it was signalling to indicate that it had located their antagonist.

"How did you say this worked again?" Whiplash asked.

"It scans the plot, looking for the biggest threat to the protagonists. Then it pinpoints the location," Agent Lime-Rickey responded.

"I thought we'd taken care of that," Nelson said. "I mean, what other threats are left?"

Turkles peered at the screen inside the car. "If I read this right, there's one more, on a small island in the South Pacific."

"So, what do we do now?"

"Well, I don't know about all of you," said a voice from the door of Alden Hall, "but I think we ought to check it out."

Everyone turned, stunned, to see Gryphon standing, very much alive, before them.

Lydia was in tears. Inspector Cartwright was more than a friend, more than a twin. It had taken some getting used to, the thought of having another her there, but Lydia finally had. To be sure, they were very different people, but at the same time, they were identical. It was beyond weird. But, now that she was getting used to having this other self around, she was losing her. It was a tough time for her. She couldn't speak.

"Promise me!" hissed Inspector Cartwright.

Lydia nodded her head. "I will," she said, "I promise."

97. /DEV/NULL

Jack Fist, Action Hero placed the CB receiver back in its holder, and returned to where Our Heroes were -- clustered around a strange-looking machine which was making even stranger noises... and some very plain, ordinary smoke.

"Ok, I just got off the horn with Turkles... gave them the 'teleporter' plans, like you said to. Lydia didn't make it..."

"Lydia, or Inspector Cartwright?" interjected Nelson.

Jack cast a weary glance back, then continued. "Erm... would you be terribly upset with me if I told you I didn't remember? This has been a messed up day, and I have fourteen flavors of jetlag. Anyway, they'll be along shortly. Hope that encryption code my double came up with worked, or we'll have a horde of FCC types coming by anytime now to find out how we made a CB with intercontinental range." He grinned. "Wonder what the tabloid's will have to say about that one... signs of alien contact, or some such, probably."

"Uh-huh," came Ski's reply. He and Jack the Computer Nerd were too busy trying to decipher the workings of the contraption to really pay much attention. "Jack... try setting that dial to 23.8... ok, good... now if only this will behave long enough t--"

*BZZCHHARRRZTT!!!*

Ski was knocked back a foot or two, and before he even came to rest he'd been asked four times if he was ok... "I'm fine, I'm fine... shit."

"What happened?" asked Thelma.

Ski dragged himself to his feet. "Nothing I shouldn't have been expecting. It appears that our old buddy GRAVIMETRICDAR didn't have time to get his dimensional transporter working... which was good news a few chapters ago, when we were afraid he would use it. But, now that we need its services to get it back home, we're in a world of hurt. The fact is that no one..." a flash of light, marking Turkles' and Whiplash's arrival on the island, distracted him momentarily, "...no one could get that thing to work, now. Not without The Big G's ability to twist science around."

"But," put in both Turkles at once, "there is another who can accomplish the same feat... and he is among us."

Ed, the Formerly Gibbering but Slowly Becoming More Coherent, got up. "Do you mean..."

"Yes, Ed. The reason you are able to make machines work by merely giving them a good thumping is because you have the ability to inject life energy into them. However... GRAVIMETRICDAR was a demon, with a vast supernatural pool of energy to draw upon. You, on the other hand, must drain yourself of some of your own life energy. That is why you were so exhausted after repairing Agent Lime-Rickey's tracking device. It appears, however, that you can slowly regain the lost life evergy by remaining inactive after the transfer. So, if we allow you to do your magic on this creation little by little over the next few hours..."

Jack the Nerd cut them off. "Great idea... but unfortunately, it's not an option. This thing's going to come unbound very soon... it's only held together for this long because of residual traces of GRAVIMETRICDAR's power. Now that it's almost gone, there's nothing keeping the device together. I say an hour, tops, before it goes... and when it goes, it's going to take this whole island with it."

No one spoke. All but Turkles and Whiplash had seen the civilization that existed on the other side of the island... and of the thousands of people who would surely die if The Worst were to occur.

"Then we must begin transporting as many of the natives away as possible, before it is too late. We can do it, we have the technology now. It will take time, certainly, and most will not want to go. But, given the circumstances involved..." All present nodded in agreement. It was time to put the plan in motion. "Ski, I'll need you and Jack to work on creating one more transport device so that we can move everyone out as quickly as possible. The Doctor and I will notify the natives of our plans. Nelson, Thelma, Gryphon, I need you to--"

*thump*

Turkles never finished his sentence.

The natives never did find out how close they came to losing their home.

No one even noticed Ed silently make his way toward the device while everyone was paying attention to Turkles.

And Ed, the Forevermore-Non-Gibbering Envelope Guy, never arose from his slumped position at the base of the no-longer smoking machine.

"Dear God..."

98. /DEV/NULL

Ski looked up. "It looks like he actually made it work. But, there is no way to tell until someone actually goes through."

"I'll go." Jack Fist, Computer Nerd, spoke up. "I haven't had a chance to be a hero yet. And, I don't have much of a life to lose if it fails."

Ski nodded, and twiddled the knobs a bit. Then, Jack stepped in...

Wanda came into her Science for the Undisciplined class and sat down a little shakily. The shocks of the previous day were still rattling around in the back of her head, and she didn't want to disturb them.

She had actually been pretty surprised, once she recovered at the school infirmary. THE ANSWER really hadn't been all that complicated. And she knew she wouldn't have the least bit of trouble putting it to use. The secret to happiness. It was so simple. So obvious... it was like it had been sitting next to her all along.

The secret to happiness and success was not to stay in college forever, leeching off her parents. Her parents would eventually grow tired of her leeching off of them. The secret of happiness and success was to marry some brilliant college student who was guarenteed to to far. As long as she kept him happy, he would never grow tired of her. And, he would end up having far more money than her parents did. Which was why, when the most brilliant (and eligible) college student she knew vanished into thin air just as she was turning to talk to him, she had fainted. Now, she stared. The space next to her usual seat, from which Jack Fist had vanished inexplicably the previous day, was occupied again.

By him.

Wanda smiled. Everything was going to be okay. Cooly, casually, she leaned over to start the conversation that would change her life.

"Hey, there. Where'd you go yesterday?"

Jack Fist looked up, first surprised, then a little embarassed. "Um... it is kind of a long story."

"So? What, are we going to listen to -him- again?" Wanda pointed down to the Professor in the front of the room and laughed. And not long after, so did Jack.

99. /DEV/NULL

Gryphon's gaze drifted, after a long while, from Ed's newly-constructed grave site... he instead focused his eyes upward, on the Southern Cross. He did so for nearly an hour, alone on an island that was silent except for the gentle hum of the machine ten feet to his right.

They had all departed, gone their separate ways. Turkles (both of them) returned to their own universe, back to his lab, bringing Lydia with them. Jack Fist, Action Hero hade his way back to his home plane, to fight the Geruleans, or the Travelions, or some such. Ed, the Envelopistic Relativitist returned to his home. Ski Lime-Rickey went back to headquarters (wherever that is) to make out his report. Dr. Whiplash (the only one remaining) was now wandering the multiverse, in hopes of finding another Dr. Rachel Goerring out there somewhere...

The last to go had been Thelma and Nelson... they spent most of the time trying to decide whose universe would make a better home for the both of them... they told Gryph of their final decision, but he was too deep in thought to really acknowledge what had been said.

Only Gryphon remained, now... he had volunteered, since he really had no home to go back to anyway, to remain on the island, standing guard over the device, and insuring that no one ever used it again. Not the most exciting of existences, but a noble one... and for once, he thought to himself, he had finally succeeded in the mission his User had assigned to him, and without even losing a limb. For once, he had come through for his User.

"YES. I AGREE. YOU HAVE DONE QUITE WELL, INDEED."

Gryph returned to reality (or a reasonable facsimile) as he realized that the Southern cross had been replaced with the all-too-familiar environs of the limbo space that came between missions...

"Wait... I can't leave the island now... my job isn't done yet. If I'm not there, than DATAPOS or anyone could come along and all hell will break loose again... and if that thing should go up in flames..."

"DO NOT WORRY. I SAID THAT YOU HAVE SUCCEEDED IN YOUR MISSION, AND YOU HAVE. THE MACHINE WILL REMAIN STABLE, AND I WILL ENSURE THAT IT IS NOT USED -- OR EVEN FOUND -- AGAIN."

"Users can't intervene directly in the worlds of their characters! You know that as well as I do!"

"FIRST OF ALL, THIS WAS NOT ONE OF YOUR WORLDS. IN THE REAL WORLD, CERTAIN LIBERTIES CAN OCCASIONALLY BE TAKEN. SECOND, THERE IS NO REAL INTERVENTION INVOLVED... THE MACHINE WOULD NOT HAVE DETONATED, AND YOU WOULD HAVE KEPT EFFECTIVE WATCH OVER IT. I'M MERELY ALLOWING YOU TO DO YOUR DUTY WITHOUT SPENDING THE REST OF YOUR DAYS IN SOLITUDE. SUCH IS A PUNSIHMENT, NOT A REWARD."

Gryphon's expression still showed signs of skepticism... but, if his User was going to be complimentary for once, he certainly wasn't going to complain further about it. As long as his friends were all right... and as long as any rules violations were on his *User's* head, not his.

Suddenly, Gryphon's form was again flesh-and-bone... and he found himself dressed only in a long, grey hooded robe.

"I HAVE ANOTHER MISSION LINED UP FOR YOU... BUT YOU MAY HAVE A SHORT RELAXATION PERIOD BEFOREHAND. YOU MAY WISH TO SPEND SOME TIME FAMILIARIZING YOURSELF WITH THE DEVICE YOU NOW POSSESS, AS YOU WILL NEED TO KNOW HOW TO USE IT. INFORM ME WHEN YOU ARE READY TO BEGIN YOUR NEW EXISTENCE.

"Thank you," he replied, and turned to wander the subjective voidscape, examining the handle of the slender, metallic device... as he faded into the "distance," a faint electrical hum/hiss was audible.

100. /DEV/NULL

On the island, the mechanical hum had ceased. Only the a gentle breeze remained as the moonlight shone down on Ed's tombstone.

Nearly half a world away, a young boy and a strange bird walked along the edge of Route 9, silhouetted against a majestic sunset.

On the remains of 156 Trident Avenue, a white candle flickered and faded out.

And *somewhere*, a caveman turned off his television set and settled down for a long, peaceful sleep.

THE END