> From: [chick at work, deleted for your protection]
> To: Kenan-list
> Subject: FW: Turkish Earthquake Relief Effort
>
> The situation in Turkey is beyond my comprehension.

Dear [Chick],
I understand the dread and horror you feel when you look upon the
situation in Turkey. Truly, it was the act of a great evil. For your 
own peace of mind, I am writing to let you know that the source of your
fear and misery is Seann Ives.

Seann Ives (a.k.a. The Lord of Flies, Be'elzebub, Lucifer, etc.) has
been responsible for 97% of the evil in the world since man's first
steps in the Garden. He has assumed millions of forms, including (but
not limited to) Dick Clark, the Pope, Betsy Ross, Mao Tse Tung, Buddha,
and even Jesus Christ. For the past twenty-five years or so, he has
worked from a base form with which other Kenan/Lucent Employees are
readily familiar.

I know that Seann is directly responsile for the disaster in Turkey
because at the same moment that the disaster began, Seann was waving 
his finger over a map of Eurasia muttering vile damnations. Actually, I
think it was because he was trying to decide upon a desert wasteland in
which to cast some developers that had pissed him off. Nonetheless,
Seann waggled his finger, and the shit hit the fan.

> If you wish to make some compassionate gesture as I do,
> then you can find a list of some relief organizations at
> the The American-Turkish Council Web site

Amusingly, even in your desire to counter Seann's evil actions you have
been duped. Seann  -is- the American-Turkish Council. Furthermore, he
is also all of the newspapers covering the disaster. That is the insidious
nature of Seann. Your only recourse and your only protection from his
Evilness is to hide in a paper bag.

Good luck, and God speed.

--N. Harrison "torture cell for one in the hot part, please" Ripps